Some people asked me what I knew about relating and we came up with most of this:
Be yourself as best you can and try relating with someone who accepts you fully as you are and appreciates all of you – and vice versa.
There are quite a few layers to this:
Consciously choosing
Continuous full, whole presence – heart, mind, body, spirit
To be oneself as wholly as possible and find safety and strength within
(not requiring these from the other person)
Wanting to be known and welcomed as an individual
Responsible for self and meeting the difficult parts of self
Being witnessed without judgment
Witnessing the other without judgment
And communication – willingly listening and hearing
Offering and receiving as possible for each person
Space and time for separateness, togetherness and kind negotiation
With care, consideration, compassion, understanding, acceptance, mutuality, kindness, appreciation, respect, gratitude, fun and play, passion and calm, shared values, feedback, community
Open to the winds that blow, growth and change, joy and sadness, helping meet each other’s needs where possible, life and death
Love needs there to be enough space, for each person to be who they are and know that they matter completely. There’s such sweetness in accepting and being accepted, loving in a way that embraces and celebrates all that you bring to life. There’s freedom and beauty in holding all that life has to offer and loving yourself and your beloved so openly and richly!
Willingness to seek support with and for each other and the relationship.
(If a lot of what you know about relating was influenced greatly by soaps, magazines, porn, TV . . . here’s a chance to think again). The media can popularise ways of demanding, arguing, wanting someone to change, shutting yourself away, blaming, punishing – but relating with kindness, consideration and support are much more helpful in finding ways to feel more fulfilled in relationship.
Try asking your close person what they are actually feeling, listen well to their answer and build your conversation over time, with depth and real intention and attention to keep communicating!
If you feel scared to do this, try seeking help from someone who works with compassion; they can help you to voice what matters out loud and hear your own self-care, dreams and passions.
Keep talking about what matters, it’s worth knowing and letting them know too!
Please share!
Contact me if I’ve missed something that is hugely important to you. Contact me if you’d like to share your ideas too.
Leave a comment below, I’d love to hear you. Thank you for taking part in what we all want more of!
Thanks for this, though jocular I must ask, who is this ‘we’ that, ‘…came up with’ this? 🤗
Anyways, this is entirely relevant to me/is right now. My ‘close person’ and I (💖that turn of phrase btw) have really been working though ‘stuff’ these past weeks as pressures rise with personal and professional difficulties. By listening to one another, realising our own issues, sharing them in non confrontational language with each other and looking how to solve those issues as best we can.
I think I would add that in relating we should also use our own gifts if appropriate, and share those with our close person. For example, as a teacher, I am a good communicator. I have given my close person suggestions on how to approach difficult conversations not only with me but also his colleagues too. I feel we have made great impact in recent times, by relating to each other.
Until I read this though, I wouldn’t have called it that, I’m always glad to be taught 🤗
I am so happy to hear your voice here, Cat. Thank you for your thoughtful response and reflections of how relevant my post is for you. I am uplifted to hear how you and your close one are listening, opening, sharing and noticing with each other. It sounds as though your communications are mutually supporting each other, personally and professionally and your relating has had a great impact. I am grateful for your reminder of sharing our own gifts – superpowers, as I call them!
Thanks for sharing this post. I do totally agree with what you wrote. I like how you linked everything back to compassion and the ability to voice the own self.
Thank you so much. I love hearing your caring response and your affirmation that values compassion and one’s own voice. I feel thrilled to hear this! It means a lot to me.
“There’s such sweetness in accepting and being accepted, loving in a way that embraces and celebrates all that you bring to life. There’s freedom and beauty in holding all that life has to offer and loving yourself and your beloved so openly and richly!”
This post is full of truth, learned by experience! Thank you.
Thank you, dear Randy. Your affirmation means so much to me.
Ron has this amazing gift of making everyone feel special and valued whilst gently helping you explore your inner self.
Thank you, dear Jackie. I truly appreciate hearing your affirmation. Care to you always xxx