I am the eldest of three siblings, born to Trinidadian parents in London. I attended Catholic Primary school in Muswell Hill, North London, later in Port-of-Spain, Trinidad and then a Convent Grammar School in North Finchley, London.

My parents were quite over-protective and I had limited opportunities to develop socially. I was creative, active, an avid reader and loved learning French and Latin. When I was a teenager, via a connection with a school friend, I volunteered with Kith and Kids, a London-based charity supporting disabled children and their families. I took part in summer week-long projects, to teach social skills to disabled children(, so that they would become familiar with tying their own shoelaces, doing up buttons, eating in a restaurant, crossing the road, engaging with play . . . all of which brought them autonomy and greater involvement in their families and the world). This was a pivotal experience for me, for the first time allowing my spirit to be a gift to others and to touch the value in everyone, however small their contribution. I saw that every child was loved completely and their parents wanted them to live their full potential. My life purpose began to shine (though I didn’t know it).

During the same time, I went to university to read Biochemistry and I finally worked out how to study, systematically. I gained a first class honours degree and decided to do a Ph.D. as the next step. I enjoyed the experience – but truly, I was not cut out for life in a laboratory. I spent a few years as a post-doc researcher, probably loving the skiing at Whistler Mountain more than anything else. Returning to England, I settled into family life and had my two daughters.

I really enjoyed playing with my children and being with them, loving the joy they brought me. I didn’t have much idea what work I wanted to do, so I drifted into teaching, supported by my (then) husband. I realised that some children in my daughter’s school found reading and writing difficult – and in the senior school, poor Literacy was linked to poor performance in many subjects. I began a Tutoring business and I soon found myself with many recommendations and a flourishing network. I continued for more than fifteen years, responding to the children’s needs in a relaxed setting, untangling mental blocks and unleashing potential, opening sensory channels and creating connections. This was the finest work I had ever done. I also set up and ran a Literacy programme at senior school. I created small groups and kept them busy with reading, handwriting, spelling, comprehension – using all kinds of imaginative ways to engage them with words, sentences and ideas. I was teaching handwriting before school and the results were dramatic and incredibly encouraging.

In between my tutoring and Literacy work, plus some supply teaching in schools, I was yearning, sensing there was more that I needed. I felt bored, frustrated, sometimes irritated and critical. I thought that the practical aspects of my life were fine and was not able to connect to my numbness, unhappiness. It seemed nonsense to admit to negativity and I tried to make the most of my life. During these times, I enjoyed Amateur Dramatics – for singing and dancing – playing tennis, circuit training and country walks. I volunteered as an Orchestra Administrator, booking soloists for concerts and arranging their visits. I was happy to be occupied and to connect with the musicians. The concerts were marvellous and I felt very uplifted by the music and the connections.

I had few real friends. I was yearning – – longing for deeper connections and hanging onto every little passing conversation that brought me some depth and interest. I felt moved beyond reason by casual conversations, not recognising how much I needed these. I spent a long time crushed with headaches, devoured by tension, rousing myself for the school run and trying to understand. Eventually, I trained myself to notice when the headaches were beginning and practised some breathing rhythms, which stopped them completely. I managed to look fine on the outside, while inside I was insecure, confused, brittle, dysfunctional and disconnected. No one else saw this (definitely not me!) and everyone praised me for abstract superficialities, never piercing the shell of the outwardly over-confident, false self I had assumed, to please everyone else.

Still yearning, unable to understand my own needs or find fulfilment. I gave my attention to my children, my elderly parents, my work and supported my husband’s aspirations for his career. I was unable to see that my marriage wasn’t nurturing for me, since I had had almost no emotional language at that time, nor ability to relate to myself, love myself, relate properly to others, live in full humanity.

Unexpectedly, now 50 years old, via a chance connection with a distant university friend, I met my beloved and recognised some of my own needs for living deeply with humour, vibrant resonance, passion and peace. I left and divorced my husband, a sad time after our years together, began teacher training to support myself, cared for my children and spent quality time with my new partner. . .

After my beloved died, I began to discover the wide-openness of vulnerability, the gaping experience of pain in my heart and feeling adrift on a raft, far from any shores in a storm, under dark skies. I was continuously exhausted, for years. Times of comfort, support and healing arose, a Meditation group nearby, to which I clung and which introduced me to Non-violent communication, a language of life. At last! I felt that I had been seeking this language all my life and it felt like Home. Marshall Rosenberg’s NVC is my life’s practice and I incorporate it into all that I do. Now, I began to learn about living in a way that was most genuine and beautiful. Buddhist teachings and practices came to be part of my daily life and healing, from the work of Pema Chodron “When Things Fall Apart – Heart Advice for Difficult Times” and Thich Nhat Hanh “You are Here.” I was tenderly uplifted by their inspiring words and fell in love with my own being. I could acknowledge that my vulnerability and pain were part of how I am, showed me how to open my heart and to live with compassion and understanding. I cherish the beauty of these influences and my new life of wholeness, my mind, heart and soul now connected.

The NVC-UK camp became a yearly community event, where I began to grow, come alive, supported by empathy and acceptance. The NVC community holds me with much kindness and love, caring and playfulness. I found myself with real friends and genuine support in my loneliness and sadness; I no longer had to hold all my feelings by myself.
One workshop led me to Inner Child therapy, based on the work of John Bradshaw and influenced by Eric Berne and Ron Kurtz. I knew intuitively that I needed this work and I eagerly took charge of my own transformation, by attending diligently to the process, with my therapist, over many months. I began to recognise previously “odd” reactions and misplaced emotions in me, as my inner child expressing her unmet needs. It was up me to take care of my own (child’s) unmet needs and continue to do so.

Chance now led me to one of my greatest transformations, the work of Embodiment. I was conscious that my emotional suffering had brought about a shut-down in my body and inability to maintain my previously-active life. I missed my active self, was curious to explore this field of work and hugely enthusiastic to use movement to enliven me again. I loved a one-day workshop and committed to the Embodied Facilitator Course, EFC, a ten-month programme with Mark Walsh and Francis Briers, www.embodiedfacilitator.com . I fell in love with this work and am committed to facilitating embodiment, connecting mind and body, growing awareness and deepening transformation.

EFC was a stepping stone directly to coaching and I went on to train with The Coaches Training Institute (CTI) in London and here I am, a Co-active Life Coach, working with Embodiment and Non-violent communication to help people live more fully and happily.